Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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