my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
