Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
