the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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