whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
