I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
