Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
