He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
