She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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