who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
