My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
