No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize