I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
