I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
