we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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