the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
