the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
