you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
