I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
