i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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