I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
