Betty ford says i'm here all night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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