I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
