i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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