For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
