maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
