Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
