I got chris browned last night
You're completely useless in the revolution.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
