haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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