I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Liz is crying about burritos again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize