If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
