She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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