Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
