She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
