I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
