I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
