Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
