plz talk dirty to me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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