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pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
