Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
