If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize