No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize