should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
