Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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