Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
