So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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