I wanna passion pit in your ass
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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