we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
