i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
