she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
