She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
