Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
