I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
this is an emotional support booty call
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
