I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I love black thongs
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
