I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
