you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
