I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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