she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
