I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
