Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize