She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
