Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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