NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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