So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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