I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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