saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
