when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
