Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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