It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
