Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
