We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
